GOSPEL
Greetings, people of Earth! This issue will introduce the new ratings system by which all others will be judged. May the power of Christ compel you. He's just a devil woman! The ratings system is simple. Three attributes will be considered: Control - The way the player communicates with the game (and how easy it is to). Aesthetic - The appeal the game has to your senses. (sound effects, visuals, and the like). ????????? - The third statistic will be unique to each game. (example: RPGs third stat will probably be story.) Each attribute will be given a red, yellow, or green. Here at controller the point is to give you good games to play that you would have never given a chance if you listened to EGM, Gamepro, and the other shitheads. That means the games will usually all be good or they do not appear here. Also, we do not compare games to other games, we judge fairly. April, the month of ARIES, is the month this issue will burn into. And I still have a crush on a girl named April. The gospel section now contains all articles per request of my loyal fanbase (GO RABBIT, UTLINDSAY, DRACHEWYN, and PAGE DOWN!) to keep order in the universe. Thank you, HE-MAN, for throwing that rock into space. So this month there are 3 articles for your pleasure. One from the brilliant PADDLES, and number 2 and 3 via satellite courtesy SIDCRAZY.
THE MUSICAL
Hi everyone. This is paddles here to announce that I have won the game obscurity lottery by buying MORTAL KOMBAT TRILOGY for use on my PS2. The odds were one in a thousand but I won! The game freezes up everytime I get to the end of a fight. "You have been decieved." But this has nothing to do with why I am here: to introduce one of the greatest bands of all time (Yes, I do have a time machine). Anything I could say about them is better understood just by listening. They appear at various game conventions and where they walk, a joyous time is had by all! THE MINIBOSSES Here are 2 MP3s:
CONTRA
For more information about The Minibosses, visit www.minibosses.com!
Hello, and welcome to my first editorial. Please forgive any miscarriages, hopefully I will get better. A long time ago in a retail store far far away, the "good games" were easy to spot. For one thing, it took months even years to get the Super Mario 3, or Castlevania of your liking. I am referring joyfully to the eight-bit generation of consoles: nes, sms, and even the atari 7800. These systems used cartridges, now obsolete. They had to be manufactured, before circulation. So the time frame between creation and the final product was a lot longer then today's machines.
So there were fewer games in comparison to today's standards, but there were real problems with these old systems. Because everything had to be manufactured companies were unwilling to take chances. Why create a brand new idea, because it could prove to be a very expensive mistake. When you could just use the tried and true formula of a Super Mario clone. Not to say there wasn't great games, just not as many.
Now fast-forward to today, all three major console makers use some sort of cd technology to drive their systems. With very little manufacturing cost on the medium, worries about losing money have lessoned. And the production values have gone up, way up. Mostly, wirh some exceptions the games of today are made with a lot more care, and word then the ones of yesteryear. Which finally leads me to my point. Due to games like the new Zelda, which has caused so many people to voice their complaints about the game, even before it is released seems crazy to me. The reason for the fuss, the graphics, in case you haven't heard they mimic a cartoon "look".
Years ago, if this game came out looking different, no one, I think would have been upset. But now, games are held to a very high standard. Not only are they supposed to entertain, but also they must be perfect for the target audience. This sounds like an unattainable goal. And a lot of games, great games fall by the wayside because they don't have the "look", or place in the buzzword here.
I have played a demo of Zelda The Wind Waker, and it is fantastic. And if gamers can't get around disagreeing with the "look" of a game, then it is there loss.
It is time to set our wayback machine to the early eighties, where games like Frogger, and Pac-Man were king. Now the interface for these games is very simple. A joystick that can be moved in four directions: up, down, right and left.
Now this is easy for most people at the time to understand, and execute. As advancements are made, the games changed, and so did the challenge. Some arcade fans don't have the want, for lack of a better word to continue playing games of that nature.
I am going somewhere with this, so just hang on. Here is an example, taken from my life. I had an Atari 2600. That my cousin and me would play. We loved playing Mario Bros, Football, and Combat on. Later I got a Nintendo, and my life changed, the games were more complicated, but I really didn't think about it. Needless to say, he comes over, and we begin to play the new Nintendo. He starts to get irritated, and I hear him say, "Where is the joystick?" followed by "Why so many buttons?" And on and on. I didn't think about it at the time, but the world of gaming had evolved past his comfort level. Needless to say we didn't play Nintendo together anymore.
This has happened again and again. As the medium changes, some people decide to find another hobby. Or just continue gaming, in the newly named "Retro" style. And a lot of support from companies nowadays. Companies like Activison, Atari, Midway, Namco, and even Intellivision have all jumped onto the retro compilation bandwagon.
Which brings me to my point, with recent gems like the music games for the PS2, and Party styled games. It seems that simplicity is back in business. I believe that games don't have to be complicated to be fun, and by sales, I am not the only one who feels this way.
This is not to say I don't love playing adventure, and strategy games, but just like anyone's board game collection, you have stratego, and connect four, trivial pursuit, and pictionary.
I realize that the articles you just read were unedited. "What
a sucky editor they must have" you scoff. Well, for your information,
though I wear a shirt and tie, i'm still part redman deep inside. I think
the genius of sidcrazy is best experienced naked. I meant raw. I'm keeping it real!
To see one more stroke of jeenyus from sidcrazy (straight from the other side of his brain),
just click on the following link: LINK
and in other local news... I finally found an arcade that has ATARI'S STUN RUNNER,
but then they got shut down for letting the customers put porn all over the walls.
MIEN LIBEN!
I wanted to like this game. But as Jesus as my witness my optimism was bested. Bested
by the control of this well of sick, rushed ideas. I guarantee whoever worked on this
project was either from a temp service or just worked for a paycheck.
I'm spewing demons, HELP ME! I now know why man created gods that would forgive him.
CONTROLLER 000
GENESIS
NES
PLAYSTATION
SNESTHE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE TECHY
ATTENTION!
ABOUT INTERFACE!
FORWARD, MARCH!
NOW LOADING...
DELUSIONS OF ADEQUECY
I challenge you to find a game worse than this: TIME COMMANDO for Playstation. The english language is the only one I know,
and it is overflowing with unnecessary adjectives. Still, I can't express this game with words. It is
better to be experienced than to be talked about. Like the first time you masturbated (if you were raised christian),
you will be ashamed, and confused. Don't forget to lock the door and close the curtains. You don't want God to see now do you?
Here are some screenshots:
DEJA VU
Hey Lovebunnys! Check out the leftovers: issue 000! Get ready to resize some frame!
Nevermind, I figured out another way! I can see you!E-HAPPINESS
Welcome to Heaven. Click on the system that fulfills your innermost desires, and you
will be led to a great game that is worth it's hunt. Yes, these are off the proverbial "chain".
| GAME | SYSTEM | SETTINGS | SCORE | WHO |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Duck Hunt | NES | Two Ducks 4 Feet | 40,000 | DELETE |
| Food Fight | ATARI 7800 | Default | 675,000 | DELETE |
| Reactor | ATARI 2600 | Default | 200,000 | DELETE |
MUSEUM
10 PRINT "I RULE!"....This is the museum section, there are lots of things to discover 20 GOTO 10............here. Enter the red doorway of evil.
IN THE SHOWCASE THIS ISSUE...
With more power than ATARI's 2600, COLECO's COLECOVISION produced an experience rivaling arcade games of the era. Donkey Kong, Lady Bug, and many other ports looked and sounded ALMOST EXACTLY like the real thing!
Further explore the musuem...
This way to EXHIBIT A This way to EXHIBIT B
This way to EXHIBIT C This way to EXHIBIT D
This way to EXHIBIT E This way to EXHIBIT F
SUPER FLEA
FOR SALE...Wouldn't you love to be among the elite; i.e. those who own this TOMB RAIDER CCG box set.
This 2 Player Quest Deck Set was released by Precedence Entertainment in 1999. It contains the Trapped in the Tombs Quest Deck, the Into the Caves Quest Deck, and 2 free booster packs. In it's factory shrinkwrap! E-mail me and beg, DOG! P.S. I love BOLD!
Still dying for Castle of Deceit for the NES, CONTACT ME!!!!!
UNHEARD OF
SCENE 1, "THE GREAT TREASURE CHEST"DELETE-"We are going to dig deep."
PAGE DOWN-"How about this, Gunstar Heroes"
DELETE-"No PAGE, deeper"
PAGE DOWN-"Ok. Here we go, Contra Hardcore!"
DELETE-"DEEPER, PAGE, DEEPER!"
PAGE DOWN-"But i've hit bottom!"
DELETE-"Then START DIGGING!"
PAGE DOWN-"..."
DELETE-"THAT'S RIGHT! HA HA! DIG MY HAIRY LITTLE CONCUBINE!"
METAL STORM is one of the best NES games i've played. It's as much shooter as side-scroller, and aside from great weapon power ups there is a feature i've never seen before or since. When you press the jump button in mid-air gravity switches to pulling up instead of down, and it affects the enemies too! It has excellent level design and a password system. Buy it if you can find it!
DIED!
What else is there to say? PAGE DOWN will hereafter be referred to as B/W. I found out that when he was playing with his ATARI 2600 as a child, he once said "I'm tired of color." and flipped the color switch to B/W (to B/W: this is what you get for making fun of my name. -DELETE). This will may be the last issue for a while. I have a huge project to start as soon as I complete this. So until we meet again, keep living life like you have no continues! BYE!
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